For the past six days I have felt miserable and hopeless. The urges to binge have therefore been at full force, becoming an enticing prospect. I’ve thought, ‘I can’t possibly feel any worse right now, so why not?’
So today, when I arrived for therapy half an hour early and decided to use the the time to stretch my legs and wander past the Co-op (couldn’t resist), I found myself in the queue with sugar sugar and lots of sugar in my arms.
It was a relatively long queue as there was only one cashier and she was taking her time. As it went on I started to feel more and more self-conscious about all of the crap I was carrying, and started to feel premature guilt about the inevitable binge. For the first time in my life I wished that there were some self-scan checkouts so I could get it over and done with quickly and discreetly.
Even though my agitation was growing, this tortoise of a cashier actually ended up being a blessing in disguise. Waiting in the queue gave me a chance to stop and process what I was about to do and what the consequences would be. Usually I would be unable to keep still both mentally and physically at the prospect of a sugar rush. Waiting for it would make me feel like my brain was being scratched from the inside by sharp fingernails. But this time, the wait made me realise that actually, this food wasn’t going to make me feel good, and the therapy session would be pointless if I was out of it. With that thought, I shoved the food on to the shelf next to me and quickly exited the shop, feeling a glimmer of strength.
Binge Beater 